Being in an Interviewing Mindset

When people get ready for a job interview so many people are searching for what do interviewers want.  We have all seen the articles that tell you how to dress, how to impress, and what are the do’s and don’t’s of a professional interview.  Did you research the company? What is your body posture like? What are the right ways to answer some of those challenging questions?  

But there are always a few sections of these articles that feel inauthentic or hockey.  One of those are the areas that talk about your greatest weakness, and another is what questions should I ask.  Here is where the articles refuse to shift from the “dress-to-impress” mindset and avoids a more reflective mindset.  

What do I mean by “dress-to-impress” mindset.  This mindset is the one where we are trying to appease others.  We dress in professional attire to show that we respect the potential employer.  We show up on time to show that we respect their time. We review the job description to show we came prepared.  All these things are good. They help earn trust with a person we are just starting to get to know. But we need to shift not just on that and help this stranger/potential boss get to know what builds trust from you the interviewer.  

Let’s take the “what is your greatest weakness” question.  So many people try to navigate answering the question by doing some form of linguistic gymnastics to show off that their greatest weakness is actually a highly desirable trait.  Someone might say I just work too hard or I have a problem saying ‘no,’ or I’m too focused on the details. These are good examples of weaknesses that are also strengths, but it doesn’t get at what the interviewer may be looking for.  Some of these statements might be true for you, but if you’re being honest what is your greatest weakness. Or perhaps a better question would be what is your greatest weakness in being a good fit for the job? What makes you insecure (even just a little bit) about if you would be able to do this job?  

This where where you can start being reflective.  Maybe you are doing a coding job and you are not that familiar with a certain coding language.  You could be really excited about your potential job, but experiencing some imposter syndrome. There might be part of the job that you are not good at or even would hate doing.  This is some information that would be helpful to the conversation. However, we are so focused on pleasing the interviewer and getting them to like us, that we forget to put out the question do I even want this job?

This is where we miss the shift between the “dress-to-impress” mindset to the self-reflection mindset.  The “dress-to-impress” mindset is only focused on getting the other person to like us, but it doesn’t ask the question if this is a person we want to like us.  If you share actual flaws or what might make you a less ideal candidate for the job, you are opening a door to having a candid conversation about if the job is the right fit for you.  

It might be true that we might be desperate for any opportunity.  If we come in with the “beggers can’t be choosers” head space then we are not looking out for our own well being.  We need to ask questions to make sure the job is a good fit for us. If we get stuck in the “dress-to-impress” mindset, we only focus on how to appease the interviewer and not our own needs. Is the company a place where you can grow or will you be stuck in a mindless drone position for years?  What resources do you need to succeed; will the company offer those or will you be stretched thin?  

Self-reflection exercise

How do you get into the Reflective Mindset?  First you have to know what you want? Here are a few exercises that might help you think about what is important to you.  

Learning from the past

Create a list with 2 columns.  Think about a past work experience.  It might have been a place that you worked at previously or one that you are currently working in and are considering leaving.  In one column write down the things that you might miss from that work space. It could be the people, the flexibility at the job, how much you have grown there, or values that made you want to start the job.  On the second column you are going to write down all the things you won’t miss. For example: You won’t regret leaving the bad supervisor or those co-workers that caused a lot of conflict. You also won’t miss feeling stuck and having no place to grow.  

Now in another column, or other document, write out the things you would want to see from a new job.  What are things you might look for from your “Will Miss” column? What are the opposites of your “Won’t Miss” column?  For example if you didn’t like how much conflict was at an old work space, what would a place that managed conflict in a good way look like?  What would be a supervision style that you would like to receive? This is what an ideal job would look like.  

Instead of trying to think of questions that would impress the interviewer, what are the questions that you could ask that would help the interviewer impress you?  Maybe they could describe the work place environment, how they manage conflict, what are growth potentials at the agency, or describe the company’s values.  

Make it not about you

One of the things that makes interviewing hard is that the process isn’t always about you.  Sometimes you didn’t get the offer because there was an internal hire, or someone was able to answer a question that “felt” more right, and sometimes companies chose not to hire a position at a time.  It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong.  

If this were dating (and job interviews are VERY similar to dating) and you didn’t get a second date, you might start thinking about what went wrong.  Sometimes that person isn’t ready to date yet, or just didn’t get a good connection with you, or maybe it wasn’t a good match. Just because it isn’t a good match.  Not being a “good match” doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you or your skills; it just means that there wasn’t a good fit. If someone doesn’t want to date you, you probably don’t want to keep pursuing it.  

Growth Mindset

I’ve learned from many actors who have to go out on multiple auditions to be casted for a role.  The majority of the time they are not going to get the role. If they made “getting the role” about themselves and their self-worth, they will eventually be in emotional turmoil, not matter how good they are.  The fact of the matter is that one person will get a part and it will be based on arbitrary things.  

Some actors I have met have learned that they need to change the goal from “getting the part” to “how did I audition?”  Instead of did they get the role, it becomes a chance to practice their auditioning skills. Some have gone in with the mindset that “I’m an actor, and this is my audience.  This is what I love doing.” These folks have gotten away from the “dress-to-impress” mindset and moved into a growth mindset. How do you want to improve your interviewing skills?  What do you want to practice during your next interview?  

Interviewing can be stressful.  You are meeting new people and trying to get them to know you.  But also make sure that you are getting to know the people you are going to be working with.  If you are bringing to the table who you are, what your needs are, and asking can the interviewer provide them, you are changing the rules of the game.  It doesn’t feel like you are begging for a job anymore, it feels like you are knowing your worth and negotiating for a job you want.