Rest Battery: Understanding Why You Are So Tired

I usually talk about 5 batteries pretty often.  They are Health, Social, Alone, Rest and Play.  Recently during the pandemic I have been pulling on these batteries more because people are finding themselves agitated, tired, anxious and just uncomfortable in ways they don’t fully understand why.  

The batteries for me have always been a way of talking about how we put out energy into the work and need to refill that energy.  The batteries are rechargeable if we can refill them.  By pulling on which battery feels empty we can focus on the activities that fill them up.  

Today I’m focusing on the Rest Battery. During quarantine many people are confused about why they are so tired all the time.  Some people are not able to work and others are working from home and still others are “essential” workers.  The ones at home are wondering why they would be so tired since they are not working and resting all the time.   Others note that they don’t have to deal with as much.  I also hear people say that they understand why they are tired, but why are they THIS tired.  

First, why are you so tired?  Let’s go to economics (I promise this won’t get too nerdy).  Daniel Kahneman and the late Amos Tversky are nobel laureates for their work in talking about System 1 and System 2.  System 1 is when our behaviors are habitual or instinctive.  We don’t have to put much energy or effort into it.  System 2 is when we are doing something novel, hard or needs a lot of thought, and thus takes more energy and is slower.  

Before the pandemic I would use the example of going to the grocery store.  If we go to a familiar grocery story you knew where all your regular foods were at, you didn’t take much thought into knowing what you were going to get and what path you were going to take.  This is System 1.  But then you go out of town and go to a new grocery store, same task and possible same foods, but a much different experience.  The bread is no longer next to the products you are used to and you have to look around various ailes to find it.  You are unfamiliar with the brands and have to choose which one you would want to purchase.  You might wander into other ailes a take nothing just to get the lay of the land or in case you missed something.  This is System 2.  Both are the same tasks, but the out of town grocery store is much more exhausting.  

Now in Pandemic 2020, the trip the grocery store uses up even more energy than that out of town trip.  You might want to test touch a produce but realize that you shouldn’t.  Is your mask on right?  Are you staying far enough from the other people in the narrow aisle?  You have toilet paper, but what if there is a surge again?  Since you might be going less frequently what else can you get?  

Everything is System 2 now.  People who are working are often saying they feel busier now more than ever, when they expected it to be slower.  They might be right.  There is also the issue that all their System 1 tools of how they navigated their jobs are now gone and they have to think of new ways to get the same job done.  Everything is System 2.  

Brené Brown, known for researching and speaking about shame, vulnerability and resilience, recently put out a podcast where she calls these items FFTs (First F’ing Time).  Parents trying to get their kids logged into their schools video platform.  That is an FFT.  Trying to figure out how to exercise at home instead of going to a gym.  That is an FFT.  Trying to do a happy hour via Zoom.  That is an FFT.  Dealing with limited human interaction for this length of time.  That is an FFT.  My one caveat to Brené Brown’s FFT, is the word “First.” IT takes time for something to be a System 2 to become a habit, something we don’t have to think about.  It is not just the first time that it will be hard, it will take a few tries.  

So now that you put out all that energy during the day.  You might see your friends making the most elaborate meal. It looks amazing, but you have no energy left to make something.  Instead you look for something quick and easy to scarf down.  The idea of making a nice meal just feels like too much work OR it feels too much like System 2.  We have lost energy because our brains are tired.  

After a long week of working via Telehealth I had a wonderful opportunity to connect with my friends that I’ve been missing.  We usually play board games and we found an online platform to play together.  I was looking forward to goofing around with my friends and playing a game.  But when we got to the platform I was getting more tired and more irritable than I was when I was during my work day.  This activity was supposed to be fun and a way to blow off stress, not add to my stress.  I finally broke down and just said, “I’m just tired of everything being so hard.”  My friends verbally agreed with me, validating my experience and confirming they were in the same place.  It took me a second, but I realized my Rest battery was empty.  

Know when the battery is empty

The Rest battery is about giving your System 2 a break.  It is about finding the easy button.  Think about what it might feel like when this battery is empty.  What does your body feel like?  What is your emotional state?  What might be thoughts or behaviors you might have when the Rest battery is empty?  I have heard people say they become more irritable, sigh a lot, whiny, 

Feel lethargic.  Some folks become more anxious and jittery, like they can’t come down off the edge.  I’ve heard words like unsoothed, tired yet not sleepy, achy, droopy.   One of my favorite lines from a friend was “I’m all out of choices.  I can’t make any more decisions.”  Yep, over using the System 2.  How would you describe it when your Rest battery is empty?

What refills this battery?

Doing something in System 1 often helps an activity be restorative for the Rest battery.  These are habits or things that don’t take much thinking.  The title “Rest” might be deceptive.  You might picture a nice relaxing bath and laying on the couch as a way to restore the battery.  And you might be right...for you.  How we refill this battery is going to be unique.  For people with ADHD it might be doing some form of activity that is stimulating, but not the level of System 2 stimulating.  This might include playing a video game, doing a sticker book, messing around with a fidget spinner, doing some art, organizing something, etc.  

Refilling this battery is also about not thinking about System 2.  By this I mean that  we need to not be planning our day, figuring out how we will get to the next slew of tasks, and devising a strategy of how to be more efficient.  More simply: Stop thinking about work.  

Connecting with time with family or observing your pet and connecting with natures are ways we can refocus our attention.  This might seem weird but exercise might help fill the Rest battery.  Many people talk about being about to zone out of all their daily tasks by focusing on their workout routines.  I’ve heard some folks talk about just having an instructor telling them what to do instead of trying to figure out what to do is what they need after a long day.  Knitting a simple pattern over a complex pattern might be the difference between refilling the Rest battery and depleting it.

Again I highlight what might be simply for one person might be hard for another.  One person might love cooking, and it comes easy from all the practice so it will be restive for them.    For some people cleaning is a nice pleasurable activity, while for others it is a hard effort to clean (so System 2).  

On Sleep

If we use System 2 all day and feel uneased, then it might become more difficult to get restful sleep.  Many people are reporting easily being woken up in the middle of the night and having trouble falling asleep right now.  While I normally include sleep within the Health battery, being about to fall asleep is very much the Rest category.  

Finding things that are less stimulating (or stimulating enough) can help ease the body to a place we can feel more comfortable.  Watching the new before going to be does not help use rest.  Scrolling on your phone can either be relaxing or keeping you stimulated so you can’t fall asleep.  Planning your day tomorrow or stressing doing something might also keep you up.  Make sure you are doing something restive before bed and it may help with getting a full night sleep. 

For me playing board games was a System 1 thing that always refilled my Rest battery.  During this pandemic, playing board games is now a System 2 thing and depletes my Rest battery (still fills my Play and Social battery) so I need to find new ways to refill this battery.  Make sure you are finding the items that refill your battery in the new context we are in.  Also know the more we practice something, the more likely it will become a System 1 and thus restorative.  This will take time.

Until then, think about things that come easily now.  I encourage you to really explore this, particularly in this Pandemic.  We are needing to find new restorative practices because our old practices might not be there or are not.  Reading, going for a walk, a hot shower, breathing, hugging yourself.  Is there an old craft that you haven’t done in years?  What are some other ideas?  What refills your battery?